Eat this, dont eat that, do cardio, dont do cardio, dont eat wheat, eat wheat.... the list goes on and on. I follow the 80-20 rule, everything in moderation, and all that great stuff but my body is just messed up from years of yoyo dieting, diet and fat loss pills, stress, trauma and loss. Even though i feel fine now, trauma has a huge impact on our hormones which definitely effect alot of aspects of our body including weight loss or gain. Sometimes it feels like no matter what i do, my body just doesnt want to cooperate with me and holds onto my weight instead of shedding it. Call it slow metabolism, if you will but i call it a real thorn in my side! It is a frustrating thing and i deal with it everyday of my life, it seems.
There isnt a day that goes by that i don't stress out about what i am going to wear to hide myself and to feel comfortable around others. The stigma that society has about being overweight doesnt help either. Alot of people assume that just because a person is over weight, they are lazy and sit around eating crap food all day long. In most circumstances, that is not the case... although for some that simply is the truth. So when you see someone that is over weight, please dont assume that is why......
This morning i had a short pitty party as i stood on the scale to see how i was doing in my journey.... since the new year, i have cut out wheat (it causes me discomfort and bloating), cut out alcohol for now as all that does is make me feel like crap and depressed the next day, and strips me of my motivation and self esteem,and working out 3-4 times a week..... i lost 7.2lbs as of last week.... today the scale told me i had gained 5 of it back..... (and no, muscle does not weigh more than fat)....I hate my scale... I told it that too...Its mean and im pretty sure it lies! So I had my little cry at 6am, got dressed and went to bootcamp.... Pitty party over... But it still frustrates me and i just want to be thin ... (not skinny) just thinner than I am now and healthy! I want to be proud of myself, love myself and love what i see when i look in that mirror. As women, do we ever like what we see when we look in the mirror? No probably not, but i would like to be at least happy at what i see for once instead of disappointed and embarrassed. Rant over..... back onto the roller-coaster I go........
