Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs.... we all have them.Where do they come from and how do we move past them? I often wish there was an answer for that. I struggle with this myself and some days I feel like i just need to scream F&CK OFF to that voice in my head that tells me i am not good enough, i am not worthy enough,  i am not deserving enough..... you know... all those "You are not enough" stories that play over and over again in our heads. You ARE enough!

I know where mine come from. They come from my childhood. Lets get real, open and vulnerable here for a moment. Some of you may know this but most of you probably dont. I loved my Dad with all my heart. But I also hated my Dad. He used his words and his fists to make a point. I was afraid of him. I trusted him. I believed every word he said to me. My Dad was an amazing man with a big heart but he just didn't know how to show it. He didn't know how to show real love. I believe now that it made him uncomfortable. And guess what, it came from HIS limiting beliefs. I wish he was still alive so I could ask him what those beliefs were. I lost him right at the time when we were really starting to get along, starting to understand each other and starting to heal from our mistakes. 

If I think back to when I was younger, still a child, maybe 8 or 9 years old, i can hear that tape play over and over in my head. "You will never amount to anything". Imagine telling a child this. More than once. Alot actually. You begin to believe this. If someone who loves you, helped bring you into this world and knows you better than anyone, is saying this to you, then it must be true. Right? Wrong! With things that I have learned only recently, in fact, I know that my Dad didnt mean that, or anything else negative that he would say or do to me. He was hurting from things he wasnt able to share. Or maybe he didnt even really know why himself. And so I forgive him. 

Only a few days before he died - he didnt know he was going to die which is the bizarre thing - he took me in his arms and cried. I rarely saw him cry. He said, "Susie, i know I was hard on you and your sister, more than I ever should have been and you both didnt deserve it. I will do my best to make it up to you with Taylor, to treat her the way I should have treated you, To love her and encourage her and fix all my mistakes that I made with you." 3 days later he was gone. 

I have lived many many years believing these things that were instilled into my brain, they are my subconscious that tells me I cant do something, that I am too fat, I am not pretty enough,I am not a good mother, daughter, wife, friend, leader, or business person. But the truth is, your brain doesnt know the difference between the truth and a lie so start being honest with your brain and yourself. You are amazing, and worth it, deserving and enough, you are inspiring and awesome and that is all that matters. Stop saying you cant afford it, cant do it, cant have it because then it will be true.

Do you worry what other people think of you? Well... STOP IT!! Stop it right now. People will think of you however they want, they will judge your decisions and talk behind your back, no matter how nice you are. And guess what? That is their shit, not yours so dont take that on.

Did you have a rough childhood?  An abusive relationship? A bad friend or family member who always put you down? None of those situations should ever define you. You are not those situations. You are you and you are ENOUGH! Good bye to those limiting beliefs.

Week 1 of a Better Me

 Monday, Jan 4 - Today was day 1 of treating myself better and I cant believe all the emotions that came with it....
I was excited and nervous to get back at working out that i barely slept last night! 20 minutes into TRX class, there was an inner war going on in my body!
My body said WTF are you doing to me and it wanted to throw up twice. I had to take breaks and felt like everyone was thinking, "or course she has to take a break, look at her size!".... My mind said, this is way too hard and  you are too fat. Stop this at once and get back into your comfort zone immediately! My eyes told me, from looking around, that i was the biggest one there and the mirror told me that i was bigger than i realized.... My heart said, just keep going. It will be easier. So here i sit in my car, bawling my eyes out, thinking...... ill be back tomorrow. Just dont quit!

Tuesday, Jan 5 - Today was easier.... just a tiny bit easier.... Strong Fit Fast Class - i really enjoyed it. I took less breaks and did lots of modifications and only wanted to throw up once. I looked down at the floor alot because when i looked straight ahead, there is a mirror there and i begin to pick myself apart. I swear i have body dis-morphia because i think im smaller than i appear to be in that mirror. The mirror is a bitch! I look forward to the day when my my arms dont look like a smaller version of my thighs coming out of my shoulders... sigh.... 

Wednesday, Jan 6 - Day 3 - Spin Class.... need i say more. I forgot how much that damn seat hurts my ass, and considering its already sore from yesterdays Strong Fit Fat class, its like a double whammy of pain. I was praying for the next time we could stand on the bike to give my butt some well deserved relief. I am definitely going to bring my padded seat from my bike at home for the next class. Oy!! 

Thursday, Jan 7 - Day 4 - I had made a personal goal of working out at least 3 xs per week and today was my 4th day in a row. My arms are still sore from Monday TRX... i cant straighten them out and it hurts to wash my hair. When i sit down, i feel pain from where i was violated by that spin bike seat and thank the Universe that there isnt a spin class 2 days in a row. I made it thru Strong Fit Circuit today without wanting to throw up at all, altho i got out of breathe a few times and remembered how much i hate jumping.... But other than that, it was a great week. Measured myself when i got home so i can keep track of my inches lost because my body loses lbs at a snails pace and i dont want to get discouraged by what the scale tells me... she is a lying bitch anyways.... im sure of it. Did i also mention 7 days with no alcohol or wheat too? Its been a good week, altho very emotional. I have done alot of crying and beating myself up for letting myself get where i am today but its all about taking one day at a time. The only thing missing is a workout buddy - that would make the experience a little less daunting if i could do it with someone else..... anyone up for the challenge? 

Punch Fear in the Face

On the eve of the day that I have vowed to get back to taking care of myself, my first day back to the gym in the am,  i sit here trying to talk myself out of it. Not because i dont want to do it, but because of the fear, the little voice in my head telling me that I will fail, that i cant do it, that i will be the biggest one in the class, that everyone will make fun of me..... How ridiculous is that?! The gym is my least favourite place to be. Not because I dont like working out, because i actually do like it....Just not in a crowd of people. I prefer to be in my basement home gym, where noone is around to see my rolls, my flaws, all the things i dont like about myself.... But like I have always said, nothing magical ever happens inside your comfort zone. So my gym bag is packed and im ready to go!!

What is it about us, as humans, that make us want to stay in our bubble, where things are easy, whether it serves us or not? Not just working out but everything in life! We want to lose weight but are scared to take the first step to get healthy. We hate our jobs but are scared to make a change and find something that we love to do. We are in toxic relationships but continue to stay in them for whatever reason. We have friends who dont have our best interests at heart but still give them our energy.... I speak from experience when i say life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed so do what you love, take that step to a healthier you and find that person who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. 

I just saw this quote from Les Brown and I think its fitting..... 

You have the power to heal your life...to bounce back from failure...to get another job...to open and own your business....to get out of debt...to create a new path for yourself...to stretch beyond what is safe, familiar and comfortable.

You have the power within you...to do more, love more, live more expansively and to learn much more than you do now. Believe and know that you have the power!! You have GREATNESS within you!

January4th is THE day......
2015 was a good year for the most part..... Good times and some struggles... And lots of self sabotage and bad choices.... It's now time to smarten up and fix myself..... Inside and out! 
I won't be drinking alcohol for the month..... To start.... 
I'm going to the gym 3 days a week, at least!
I will be cutting out wheat from my diet as it wreaks havoc on my body.
I will no longer listen to complaining, negativity and gossip. Only positive, I CAN attitudes for me. I can no longer allow that low vibration into my world. (A few mins of venting is ok)😊
I will learn to accept compliments.
I will stop caring what others think of me. What my close friends and family think is all that really matters....
I will live in gratitude.
I will live in love not fear.
I will step outside my comfort zone more as I lose weight and get my confidence back. This year has seen me do alot of that already - speaking in front of rooms full of people and i intend to do even more of that this year - with confidence!
I will work on loving myself.
I will go for coffee with a friend, new or old, at least once a month.
I will not be attached to the outcome and will live in the moment.

What do you vow to do in 2016? I would love to hear your goals and help keep you accountable, if needed. 

Whenever i think i cant do it, i will listen to this song!      https://youtu.be/xo1VInw-SKc❤