Its feels so strange when people say to ME that I am an inspiration to them. I have always had a hard time accepting compliments and Im pretty sure being someones inspiration is one of the highest forms of a compliment there could be. Since I was in my early 20's, I have struggled with my weight, tried to remain unnoticed, when photos were being taken, you could be sure that i was standing in the back, or blocking myself with an object like a chair, a counter and even other people. I always wanted to remain in the background so that i didnt draw attention to myself. I was painfully shy at times. (people that know me find this hard to believe, but if I dont know you, I am incredibly shy) I have gotten to know people and they have told me that before they knew me, they thought i was a snob. Often times, when people are shy, they can definetly come across as seeming snobby. Its amazing the perception that people can have of others when they don't even know someone. (I think this is one of the reasons i decided to write a blog. Everyone has a preconceived idea of people that they meet, and often times, we can judge a person without even knowing them. We can say that a person is wierd, or a snob, ungrateful, negative, a bitch,.... just to name a few.... but does anyone ever think that people are the way they are for a reason?)
I have spent so many years wasting my time worrying about what other people think of me. I have come to realize that no matter what you do, how nice you are, how well you treat people, you will always piss someone off and that's the sad reality. You can NOT please everyone, nor should you try to. A few years ago, i finally came to the realization that I needed to focus more on myself and my own happiness, along with the happiness of the people that mean the most to me. As soon as I started doing this, I noticed a change in things. I became more positive and when that happened, I also noticed how many people around me were so negative. I realized that some people dont like to be positive, it takes more work. But everything worth having is alot of work. I must say my amazing husband, Brent, is alot of the reason I changed my ways. I had so many things happen to me in my life that made me feel sorry for myself, made me feel like I didnt deserve happiness or love, that I would never be successful, that I would always be fat, unhappy and self conscious, that I would never inspire people, like others inspired me.
Fast forward to today..... I have received messages from people telling me how I inspire them and I feel overwhelmed. I think back to how I used to be, and it utterly amazes me that people think this of ME. I am so appreciative for all the positive comments, and I am learning to accept them.
I have many inspirations in my life and since some of you have shared yours with me, i wanted to share mine with you.
1 - Top of the list is most definetly my Nana! She is 92 years old and doesn't look a day over 75! She has never been sick (besides a cold or flu), no diseases, no surgeries, never on medications and no falls or broken bones. She says what she thinks, and most of the time she doesnt sugar coat it. If she starts off a sentence with, "Im going to tell you something".... you know you are in trouble! She says that she stays so healthy because of her honesty. She doesnt keep anything in, therefore, no stress is held inside. Good theory, Id say!
2 - My husband, Brent. He always manages to find the positive in everything, no matter the situation and i admire that in him. He has a very caring heart and he inspires me every day to be a better person.
3- My daughter, Taylor. She has been through such sorrow and sadness in her 13 years, and still has grown up to be a beautiful, caring girl (minus the teenage hormonal attitude from time to time... LOL) and I am proud of who she is becoming.
4 - Kara Hoffman. She may be surprised by this but ever since I met her, when our daughters were 7 and on the same hockey team, she has inspired me with her determination and will to succeed. Now, as I attend her Triple Play fitness class, she pushes me past my comfort level and makes me want to work harder.
5 - Anna Kemp. She is an amazing trainer and friend who has pushed me harder than i thought I could go, she helps me see how strong I am, and always believed in me, even when I didnt believe in myself.
6 - Tommy Europe. I can remember a few years back, watching The Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp and watching him yell at the people on the show and thinking, OH MY GOD, i would never want to meet that guy. He is scary, and mean, he gets in your face and he would see right through my negativity and put me in my place. A few years later and 3 Shred Bootcamps under my belt (the first one, i almost puked and passed out!!) the 2nd, I helped campaign to get him to come to Vernon and successfully completed without incident and the 3rd, well.... Pfft, come on Tommy, thats all ya got? I now am proud to call Tommy (and his amazing wife, Amelie) not just my inspiration but also a family friend who continues to inspire and support me.
7 - Tosca Reno - Author of The Eat Clean Diet Books. She was once unhappy and overweight (hey, sound familiar?) and lost the weight, changed her life around, and is now positive and successful and I admire her for that. I have not met her but I plan on it one day!!
8 - Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels (The Biggest Loser Fame) I would watch them on the Biggest Loser and just admire how they could transform not only people's bodies, but their minds as well. They are so inspiring to me and it would be a dream come true to one day meet them
Because I know how important my inspirations are to me, I appreciate so much when people tell me that I inspire them. As i said, that is one of the best compliments a person can get, in my opinion and it means so much to me.
So, let me ask you this..... Who inspires you?
Sometimes I truly wish I could see in myself, what other people see in me. When I look in the mirror, I see my fat arms, puffy stomach, big hips, and bags under my eyes. When I'm at the gym, I feel like I am the biggest one there. I'm so good at motivating others but when it comes to myself, I just see this big girl, who no matter how hard she tries, is never going to be anything but big! Even though I have lost 62 lbs, all this is what still runs thru my head.
Thru the years, when I was bigger, I was always told things like "you have such a pretty face", "what a great personality you have", "if only you could lose some weight, you would be so much prettier"..... You get the picture. People never thought to ask the "why"..... why did I gain weight? Why did i feel so bad about myself? Society today looks at overweight people and just thinks that they are overweight because they eat too much..... and yes, obviously, thats one part of it, however, WHY do they eat too much? Its not because its fun... I know for me, it was to fill a void in my life. Food is an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol.... but because we need food to survive, people dont look at it like that. They think you lack willpower, determination.... that your lazy. For some people, this may be true, but its not true for all people who are overweight.
Its so hard, when your bigger, to motivate yourself to go to the gym. Its not because we are lazy, its because we are self conscious. I know, for me, I think everyone is staring at me, noticing all my flaws, wondering why I am even there, noticing that I am the biggest one in the room. I know, realistically, that's not true. They are looking at themselves, and some of them, no matter what the size, are feeling just as self conscious as I am.
I have always used humor in stressful situations. I guess I learned that from my Dad. I was always the first person to make a joke about my weight. I didn't do this because i wanted people to turn around and say something nice to me. I didnt want that kind of attention. It was as if i just needed to insult myself before someone else did. I have said hurtful things about myself such as, "i hate going to the beach because im constantly dodging harpoons", or "who needs a whale watching tour when you've got me", or "no, its not an earthquake, its just me running behind you"....... Oh, i could go on forever. I never realized until recently that this isnt funny to other people. It makes them feel uncomfortable. They dont see what I see... or maybe they do and are just being nice. I am working on accepting compliments because I am not used to recieving them. I often feel like im not deserving of them. I know, deep down, that I am and I am working on that. I wear a hair elastic around my wrist and everytime I insult myself... whether its outloud or in my head, I snap it. When I first started doing this, i realized how mean i was to myself throughout each day. No wonder i wasnt succeeding. The voices in my head had taken over and what I kept saying about myself was hindering my success.
Fast forward to today...... I have learned to love myself the way that I am in the moment. It took me 40 years to figure this one out, I guess you could say Im a slow learner. You have to love yourself in the moment and everything else will fall into place. Yes i have lost 62 lbs and i am proud of that. Do I have more to go? Yes, absolutely! But to succeed, I have to love myself right now, in this moment, as I am and everything else will slowly fall into place. Its not easy, but anything in life worth having is not easy! So if you dont love yourself, right now, in this moment, ask yourself.... Why not?! You are amazing just the way you are!!
1 - Top of the list is most definetly my Nana! She is 92 years old and doesn't look a day over 75! She has never been sick (besides a cold or flu), no diseases, no surgeries, never on medications and no falls or broken bones. She says what she thinks, and most of the time she doesnt sugar coat it. If she starts off a sentence with, "Im going to tell you something".... you know you are in trouble! She says that she stays so healthy because of her honesty. She doesnt keep anything in, therefore, no stress is held inside. Good theory, Id say!
6 - Tommy Europe. I can remember a few years back, watching The Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp and watching him yell at the people on the show and thinking, OH MY GOD, i would never want to meet that guy. He is scary, and mean, he gets in your face and he would see right through my negativity and put me in my place. A few years later and 3 Shred Bootcamps under my belt (the first one, i almost puked and passed out!!) the 2nd, I helped campaign to get him to come to Vernon and successfully completed without incident and the 3rd, well.... Pfft, come on Tommy, thats all ya got? I now am proud to call Tommy (and his amazing wife, Amelie) not just my inspiration but also a family friend who continues to inspire and support me.
