I was excited and nervous to get back at working out that i barely slept last night! 20 minutes into TRX class, there was an inner war going on in my body!
My body said WTF are you doing to me and it wanted to throw up twice. I had to take breaks and felt like everyone was thinking, "or course she has to take a break, look at her size!".... My mind said, this is way too hard and you are too fat. Stop this at once and get back into your comfort zone immediately! My eyes told me, from looking around, that i was the biggest one there and the mirror told me that i was bigger than i realized.... My heart said, just keep going. It will be easier. So here i sit in my car, bawling my eyes out, thinking...... ill be back tomorrow. Just dont quit!
Tuesday, Jan 5 - Today was easier.... just a tiny bit easier.... Strong Fit Fast Class - i really enjoyed it. I took less breaks and did lots of modifications and only wanted to throw up once. I looked down at the floor alot because when i looked straight ahead, there is a mirror there and i begin to pick myself apart. I swear i have body dis-morphia because i think im smaller than i appear to be in that mirror. The mirror is a bitch! I look forward to the day when my my arms dont look like a smaller version of my thighs coming out of my shoulders... sigh....
Wednesday, Jan 6 - Day 3 - Spin Class.... need i say more. I forgot how much that damn seat hurts my ass, and considering its already sore from yesterdays Strong Fit Fat class, its like a double whammy of pain. I was praying for the next time we could stand on the bike to give my butt some well deserved relief. I am definitely going to bring my padded seat from my bike at home for the next class. Oy!!
Thursday, Jan 7 - Day 4 - I had made a personal goal of working out at least 3 xs per week and today was my 4th day in a row. My arms are still sore from Monday TRX... i cant straighten them out and it hurts to wash my hair. When i sit down, i feel pain from where i was violated by that spin bike seat and thank the Universe that there isnt a spin class 2 days in a row. I made it thru Strong Fit Circuit today without wanting to throw up at all, altho i got out of breathe a few times and remembered how much i hate jumping.... But other than that, it was a great week. Measured myself when i got home so i can keep track of my inches lost because my body loses lbs at a snails pace and i dont want to get discouraged by what the scale tells me... she is a lying bitch anyways.... im sure of it. Did i also mention 7 days with no alcohol or wheat too? Its been a good week, altho very emotional. I have done alot of crying and beating myself up for letting myself get where i am today but its all about taking one day at a time. The only thing missing is a workout buddy - that would make the experience a little less daunting if i could do it with someone else..... anyone up for the challenge? 