Thru the years, when I was bigger, I was always told things like "you have such a pretty face", "what a great personality you have", "if only you could lose some weight, you would be so much prettier"..... You get the picture. People never thought to ask the "why"..... why did I gain weight? Why did i feel so bad about myself? Society today looks at overweight people and just thinks that they are overweight because they eat too much..... and yes, obviously, thats one part of it, however, WHY do they eat too much? Its not because its fun... I know for me, it was to fill a void in my life. Food is an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol.... but because we need food to survive, people dont look at it like that. They think you lack willpower, determination.... that your lazy. For some people, this may be true, but its not true for all people who are overweight.
Its so hard, when your bigger, to motivate yourself to go to the gym. Its not because we are lazy, its because we are self conscious. I know, for me, I think everyone is staring at me, noticing all my flaws, wondering why I am even there, noticing that I am the biggest one in the room. I know, realistically, that's not true. They are looking at themselves, and some of them, no matter what the size, are feeling just as self conscious as I am.
I have always used humor in stressful situations. I guess I learned that from my Dad. I was always the first person to make a joke about my weight. I didn't do this because i wanted people to turn around and say something nice to me. I didnt want that kind of attention. It was as if i just needed to insult myself before someone else did. I have said hurtful things about myself such as, "i hate going to the beach because im constantly dodging harpoons", or "who needs a whale watching tour when you've got me", or "no, its not an earthquake, its just me running behind you"....... Oh, i could go on forever. I never realized until recently that this isnt funny to other people. It makes them feel uncomfortable. They dont see what I see... or maybe they do and are just being nice. I am working on accepting compliments because I am not used to recieving them. I often feel like im not deserving of them. I know, deep down, that I am and I am working on that. I wear a hair elastic around my wrist and everytime I insult myself... whether its outloud or in my head, I snap it. When I first started doing this, i realized how mean i was to myself throughout each day. No wonder i wasnt succeeding. The voices in my head had taken over and what I kept saying about myself was hindering my success. Fast forward to today...... I have learned to love myself the way that I am in the moment. It took me 40 years to figure this one out, I guess you could say Im a slow learner. You have to love yourself in the moment and everything else will fall into place. Yes i have lost 62 lbs and i am proud of that. Do I have more to go? Yes, absolutely! But to succeed, I have to love myself right now, in this moment, as I am and everything else will slowly fall into place. Its not easy, but anything in life worth having is not easy! So if you dont love yourself, right now, in this moment, ask yourself.... Why not?! You are amazing just the way you are!!
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