The Vancouver Sun Run 10k is coming up in 10 days and I'm freaking out! I don't feel ready, i'm scared, my shins hurt and I feel like i'm still the "fat girl" that I used to be. The last time I did a 10k about 5 years ago, they were packing up the water stations before they realized that I was still on the course. I mean, i was NOT in shape back then, I hadn't trained for it at all and was about 70 lbs heavier, but still. I have that memory in my head and I cant get it out. I don't want to be last. There are over 55,000 participants in the Sun Run so is it even possible that I could be last? Yes, yes there is!
I've been actively running for almost 2 years now, however, I'm not very good at it. In all our running groups, I am always last. I feel like my legs are too short and i just cant go any faster. I don't seem to be able to get my breathing under control so that slows me down. Last night at my run group, I was thinking to myself that I just don't think Im ready for a 10k. I want to back out but everyone knows that I am doing it so I dont want to look bad to everyone, including my own clients, who I am always pushing past their comfort level. I know all of this is my negative self talk, the devil on my shoulder, telling me I am too fat, too slow, etc etc. Its amazing the power of our own thoughts.
So I guess what I am saying is, the entry fee has been paid, the hotel has been booked, and I just need to suck it up and DO IT! I know that I need to face my fear, get out of my comfort level and run. I don't want to disappoint my husband (who, I know, really wants to do it as he hasnt been running competitively since his last ankle surgery,) My family and friends who believe that I can do it even when i don't believe it myself, and my clients who I am so good at motivating, but when it comes to motivating myself, it just doesn't seem to work as well. I know that if I decide not to do the run, I will regret it.
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