Im Sooo Tired

Have you ever went to the gym for a workout, started talking to your trainer and began to bawl like a small child? ...... Well, that's what happened to me this morning at 6am. Part of it could have been because, well.. it WAS 6am!! lol But in all seriousness, I'm not really sure what happened... We were talking about my weight loss struggle and my emotions just all bubbled  to the surface. I felt like I was a contestant on The Biggest Loser and she was Jillian Michaels! uplol


The truth is..... I'm just SO tired! Not physically tired, but mentally! Tired, exhausted..... at my wit's end. I'm so tired of counting calories, cutting out this, adding that, thinking about every single thing i put in my mouth, what i can and cant have.... the list goes on and on. I feel as if this is a struggle that is never ending! Just when you think you have it all figured out, it turns out that you really don't! 

In my many years of struggling I have tried EVERYTHING and yes, it works..... at the time.. But can you continue that fad diet for ever? NO!! Its so easy to give in to society and marketing and get the quick fixes... use the diet pills, drops, injections..... the list goes on and on. But you cant do that forever and it messes with your hormones and metabolism. Dont believe me? You should! Ive tried it all and im paying for it in my older years as my  metabolism slows down and i struggle even more. Im SO Tired!

I have been meeting with an amazing Naturopath since February and its been going great. Had my food intolerances tested and came back with alot of interesting information. NO eggs! or eggs whites! NO mushrooms. NO dairy. (cows milk) Seriously? Thats a really yummy omelet!! No gluten, no wheat...... and so on and so on! Ok next..... I get my hormones checked to see if that is affecting my weight loss. Turns out I am anemic and have low testosterone. Ok! So i take supplements to help with those issues.... I step on the scale last week... YES i know the scale isnt the only measurement but I am a scale person. Im working on it. Im a work in progress.... Since ive been taking the testosterone, (3 weeks) I have gained 6lbs! Doesn't matter if its the supplements or not..... 6lbs scares the hell out of me as im already struggling to lose and now have 6 extra lbs to shed! I know, I know... a number on the scale doesn't define a person and I shouldnt let it get to me but it DOES! At times I feel like a failure. I am embarassed. 

I am SO tired of this struggle. I am SO tired with this war I am having in my own head. I'm so tired of hearing that I need to just love myself! I know this but  HOW do you do that when you have never been taught how to love yourself before? I grew up with adults who constantly told me that I needed to be better, that I shouldnt be eating this or that, (I was thin when I was younger), that I would never amount to anything.... the list goes on and on. So now I continue to carry that with me as an adult which I am sure is one of the biggest reasons I continue to struggle.

All I want is to be happy in my own mind and then I know it will all come together, but I just dont know how to do that. I am starting something new with my trainer and I am putting my FULL trust in her hands. She is someone that has always wanted me to succeed and has never given up on me and Im handing myself over to her with full faith. Why......... Because im SO tired!! 

Stay tuned...........