Getting to Know Me

Let me start out by introducing myself!! I'm Susie... I'm 40, a fitness trainer and...... I am overweight. 


Yep, that last one was hard to say. I mean, really....its not a secret... but its like any other "disease"..... sometimes I can be in denial. I haven't always been overweight. No, not at all! In fact, growing up, I was always thin... I'm talking "collar bones sticking out" thin. Family would always ask if I had a hollow leg cause i had such a healthy appetite, and that must have been where i was stashing it all. I was always active, I kept myself busy riding my bike all over the place. My Step-Mom put me in jazz dance... not my first choice but my little sister was in it so it was easier to car pool that way. I actually think my little brother was in it too, but lets just say he wasn't for arguments sake, since I always seem to tell the embarrassing stories about him (or so he says) and Id hate to add yet another one to that list. ;) No wait, im wrong! He just used my sisters Garfield dance outfit as a Halloween costume.. Ok phewf! No embarrassing story there! 


Anyways, i wanted to try out for the basketball team in high school but my Dad said i was too short so I stood at the gymnasium door and watched the try-outs instead. To be honest, I was pretty shy and self conscious growing up, so to have anyone rate my abilities was a pretty scary thought and it stopped me from trying alot of things i wanted to try. What could I do in high school that didn't involve try outs?.... Cheer leading! Yep!! I was a cheerleader!! Cant say I was the prettiest one that ever was, and I'm pretty sure the guys basketball team made reference to that a time or 2, so the following year, I was invited back but declined. 1 year of torture and  humiliation was enough for me! 


Over the years (teenage years), i grew up with comments from a family member like.... "if women knew what they looked like from the back, they wouldn't wear half the things that they wore" or  "do you really think you need a cookie?" Its funny how certain comments stick with you thru the years... As i got older (into my 20's) and started putting on weight, i got "you have such a pretty face, its too bad your not thinner!" Gotta love that one! But ok, im getting ahead of myself here! 


My Dad was a very controlling, strict Dad. He always knew how many cookies were in the bag, how many pieces of black forest ham was in the package and how many cans of won ton soup there was in the pantry. He could tell if one of us kids had walked in the living room ( a room which we weren't allowed to go into unless they had guests over). My step - mom could tell just by walking in a room if we had actually dusted it "properly" by placing 2 of her fingers together and brushing them over any surface, of course, always coming up with a bit of dust and putting it in front of our face saying..... "dusted, did ya?" There was alot of pressure for perfection growing up. I am alot older than my sister and brother, (9 years older than my sister and 12 years older than my brother) so my main role growing up was to keep them quiet. Kids should be seen but not heard, don't ya know? I'm sure your thinking.....what does all this have to do with being overweight? Let me explain......


When i moved out for good when I was 19. ( i first left the house when i was 17 but that's a whole other entry in itself) I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment with a girl friend who I will call Shona.(because that was her name! lol) Because I had always been monitored with the things that i ate, once I lived on my own, it all went to shit! (good thing Dad never found the nacho chips and cheese I hid under my bed... Oh wait, who am I kidding... he always found out everything!) No-one was going to tell me how much or how many of something I could or couldn't eat! Of course, im only 19 and never really learned how to cook so it was pizza pops and Kraft Dinner all the way, and i loved every minute of it... And don't forget the oreo cookies i was never allowed to have. Ate the whole damn bag once! Screw You, Dad!! And then of course, there was the drinking..... I lived in Alberta where the legal drinking age was 18 but because i didn't want my Dad to find out, (remember, he always finds out everything), i never drank until I was 19! And then, I DRANK!! And drank, and drank! And of course, with the drinking, came the 2am smokies and/or souvlaki on a stick they sold outside the bar! Couldn't get enough of those! You get where this is headed, right? All of a sudden, I am FAT!! 


Now really, once i was 21, i wasn't really "FAT"..... but compared to all my friends, I was. They were the ones that played all the sports in school, always had boyfriends, and of course, were prettier than me. They were the ones that all the guys talked to at the bar, and I was the one that every guy wanted as their friend! Gee, great!! And then there was my sister... She was the thin, pretty one and i was the smart one... when you call someone the smart one, its not always a compliment. (FYI!)




To be continued...........