The Stroke

When you are 31 years old, the last thing you expect to hear is that your 32 year old husband has had a stroke. 


The Drs said that Rene had suffered a Transient Ischemic attack. (or mini stroke in laymens terms) They werent sure why it happend but after running a few coordination tests, they came to this conclusion. It was a Wednesday. The first night, Rene spent the night in the emergency ward and in the morning, because of lack of beds, he was moved up to the maternity ward.... yes, you read that correctly.... the maternity ward. He was very edgy and miserable and had a severe head ache. The nurse explained to him that because he hadnt had a smoke since he was admitted, (yes, he was a smoker) he was experiencing withdrawal symptoms and gave him a Tylenol 3. We talked to some of the specialists on duty and they talked more about the stroke and that once he went home, he would need to inject  himself with blood thinners every day but that he would be ok. They said he would be discharged the next day, Friday by our family Dr. We waited all the next day for him and he never showed up. I finally called him at his office at 4pm on Friday as I knew he was leaving for a week for summer vacation. He didn't have time to come in and talk to us so he said he would give home care instructions to the nurse and send the discharge papers thru on the fax machine. Once we were shown how to do his injections, we were allowed to leave. A year or so later, I would come to find that the specialist had come up to see Rene just a half hour after we had already left, to tell us not to go because he was concerned..... If we had only waited a half an hour more.......


Rene has been home from the hospital for a week now and things seem to be back to normal except for the fact that he is injecting blood thinners into his stomach everyday. I noticed that his moods were starting to become a bit eratic though... such as, he would be laughing one minute and go into a fit of anger the next minute. I assumed that this was stress from the stroke and the fact that he was now on the wait list for heart valve replacement surgery... (let me rewind a bit here)

Rewind back to January 2001 - Just before Christmas of 2000, Rene had the flu and couldnt seem to shake it. He lost 30 lbs in about 6 weeks which was becoming a concern so I FINALLY  convinced him to go to the Dr. in January. We had an amazing family Dr at the time and he sent Rene for a bunch of tests but they all came back with nothing. He then sent him to the hospital for an ultrasound of his heart. Rene was not even home from the ultrasound when the Dr called the house and told me that as soon as Rene got home, to bring him down to the office. I was scared! When we got there, the Dr explained to us that they had found a "piece" on his heart valve and he needed to be admitted to the hospital right away. After some tests, it was discovered that Rene had Endocarditis... 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002088/

Rene had to stay in the hospital for a week and he recieved heavy duty antibiotics to get rid of the bacteria on his heart valve. (he had a leaky heart valve so would eventually need heart valve replacement, however, our cardiologist wasnt in a hurry to have this done) After a week, he was sent home with an intervenous antibiotic drip that would supply him with more antibiotics for another 6 weeks at home. After the 6 weeks, he had check ups with all the different Drs and his cardiologist said the "piece" on his heart valve was now sterile and he had nothing to worry about. Noone said that the endocarditis could come back and noone told us that the piece could break off and cause a stroke. 

Back to August 2002 - It is now August 31 and Rene has been home for 8 days. The mood swings have gotten worse and he has no energy at all. He spends alot of time sleeping which i continue to blame on the stress of the impending heart valve replacement surgery.... Saturday morning he gets up early and decides he is going to cut the lawn. I tell him to leave it and that I will do it when Taylor gets up but he insists that he is tired of laying around and needs to do something. He tells me to just stay in bed and relax so that's what I do. I hear the lawn mower turn on and it goes for a few minutes then stops. This is not unusual so im not worried. Taylor is now up (she is almost 4) and is in the family room watching tv. I am just getting out of bed when I hear Rene come inside. No big deal. The lawn mower must have ran out of gas..... If only that was what the problem was.....Rene comes stumbling into the bedroom, dragging his left leg behind him, his left arm hanging loosely by his side. He has a look of fear on his face and  he simply says, "its happening again." I jump out of bed and feel like im going to throw up or faint from the adrenaline that is pumping thru me. I run to the phone and dial 911. Taylor looks up from the couch and asks if Daddy has another headache. My heart starts to break. The ambulance arrives in record time. I call my Grandpa and ask if he can come pick up Taylor so I can go to the hospital with Rene. The paramedics have to get the "chair stretcher" as our hallway by our bedroom is small and they cant get the regular stretcher into our room. As they wheel Rene out of the bedroom, into the living room, Taylor asks, "May I hug Daddy?" Of course you can, I tell her. Give him lots and lots of hugs to hold him over until he comes home. I stay in the house with her as they take him into the ambulance, and we are watching from the family room window. As they lift him into the back, they stop and Rene waves to Taylor with his good arm and she waves back, and then the doors are shut. I will never, as long as I live, forget that moment. It was the last time Taylor saw her Daddy.

By the time I arrive in emergency, Rene is being looked at by the Drs. We see the Dr who is covering for our now family Dr (our original one that discovered the endocarditis in 2001 is now working in Vancouver, so we have a new one) because, if you remember back a week, our Dr was going on summer vacation and released Rene via fax machine. I call over to him and he comes running and asks what has happened. He immediately sends Rene for a ct scan. The results are back quickly and it is determined that he has TWO aneurysms in his brain.... 2 aneurysms that weren't there 8 days ago.... Hhhmmm.. They are now concerned about the blood thinners in his body so they give him plasma which reverses the effects and thickens his blood. The Dr says he is waiting to hear back from Kelowna's neurologist and if there is no one there, he will be arranging for a helicopter to take Rene to Vancouver. Rene says, "I dont like helicopters" and the Dr says, "I dont like strokes."  Shortly after, the ambulance arrives to take Rene to Kelowna. I ask if Im allowed to follow behind them but they tell me, "No, you are to drive the speed limit and meet us there." What? i dont get a speeding siren escort? No fair!! lol They think im pretty funny! I get to Kelowna and the nurse in emergency takes me to where Rene is. He is having some blood tests and an angiogram. The only thing Rene is concerned about right now is where they have to stick the angiogram tube... Clearly we both still have our sense of humor! LOL

Hours later, he is moved up to the CCU (Critical Care Unit). The neurologist is supposed to come up right away and see us but then there is a massive trauma that comes in so we have to wait until he is done in surgery. He finally comes in around 10pm and explains to us what is going on. The "piece" on Rene's heart valve broke off and went to his brain, causing the larger, more serious stroke. He says that Rene does, in fact, have two aneurysms, however, if you were to have an anuerysm, this would be the kind that you would want. (good news, I guess...) He continues on that Rene will be fine eventually. He is young and he will have to have physio for his left side that is not mobile right now, but that down the road, he will be back to normal. He explained what all the different iv's were for and mentioned antibiotics. I asked what those were for. He looked at me as if I had already known this and said, "its to treat his endocarditis." I said, but he doesn't have that anymore.. He looked at me and said, "his blood tests showed, that yes in fact, he does and has probably had it for about a month." Suddenly i remembered the "flu" that he had been unable to shake a few weeks back. My stomach now feels sick. Why did our family Dr not check for this 10 days ago when we were in emergency the first time? All Rene cares about is that he doesnt have to have brain surgery.... we all laugh. Its now quite late and I wasnt prepared for an overnight stay so Rene tells me to just go home and be with Taylor and to come back in the morning so after making sure he is sure, I relent, and make the drive back to Vernon. I call Nana and Grandpa, as that is where Taylor is, and they say to just go home and get some sleep and come by in the morning so that is what I do. I really dont sleep much and when i wake up, I call the nurse to check on Rene. She says he had a bad night, the pain in his head is really bothering him and he didnt sleep much but he is fine. She told me to take my time and be with Taylor for a bit and come in around lunch time so that is what I do. I dont want to bring Taylor with me yet because Rene asked me not too as he doesnt want her to be scared, so she makes him a "Get better soon" card for him. I call the nurse again as im on my way to the hospital around 1030 and she says he is napping so i decide to stop at Costco and grab him a few of his favourite snacks and some magazines for him to read. As i arrive and am  walking into his room, he has his back to me and is talking to the nurse. I hear him ask, "Do you know when my wife will be here?" and as she looks up and see's me, she says, "She is here now." She leaves the room as I walk over to him and he holds out his hand. I hand him the card Taylor made for him but his head is in such pain that he asks if I could just put it on the table beside him and he would have a look in a bit. I take his hand but he lets go and says he is sorry, but it hurts his head even to hold my hand, and i tell him its ok. At that moment, he grabs the rail on the side of his bed, winces in pain, and yells out. I ask him if he wants the nurse and he nods yes. I run to find her but she is with another patient. She looks a bit annoyed so i hang back a bit, but then finally i just say, please come quick. We go back to the room, and Rene is siezing! She calls the Dr and all of a sudden there are 6 people surrounding his bedside. I see blood coming from his mouth from him biting his lip.... I run out of the room and slide down the wall to the floor. A lady visiting her family member sits beside me and asks me if I am ok. Do I look like Im ok, i ask? I feel bad, even to this day, for snapping at her like that. Then the nurse comes out and asks me if there is anyone she can call for me. This cant be good, I say. I dont know who to call. My Dad is no longer alive, I dont want to upset my Nana and Grandpa, so I tell her to call my friend, Michelle. She does, and immediately comes back and says she is on her way, and I told her not to speed. I laughed, Michelle always speeds, I say. The nurse takes me to the "family room".... another sign this is not going to be good. She tells me that they are taking Rene for some tests and that he will be wheeled past the family room, so to watch for him. As they come down the hallway, i can see that his eyes are closed, and he has a tube down his throat helping him breath. I ask if im allowed to say anything to him and they say yes. I lean over and kiss his forehead and tell him that everything is going to be ok. (if only this were true)


 I had called Rene's Mom the night before and had told her what was going on and that Rene was going to be ok in time. She wanted to drive out that night, (She lives in Calgary) but I told her i didnt want her driving in the dark, and to just come in the morning. As i sit in the family room, waiting for someone to tell me something, I think now of his Mom who is on her way, who thinks she is just coming to see her son in the hospital but that he is going to be ok. I feel sick. Michelle, of course, arrives in record time (Armstrong to Kelowna in 30 minutes) but it is too late. The Dr has just been in to tell me that Rene is brain dead, he shows no sign of life and that he will never wake up. He has been moved to ICU, connected to machines to help him breath and that I can see him whenever I am ready. Will I ever be ready, I ask.

I make some calls and wait for Rene's mom to arrive. This seems to take days but it is only a short time. Before she comes, I ask the nurse to stay with me incase his Mom needs her. Rene's brother is also on his way via airplane from Calgary, also thinking his brother is going to be fine. I cant even believe this is happening right now. Naturally Rene's Mom is in shock and we just hold each other and sob uncontrollably. We find the strength to go see him. He appears to just be sleeping. The Dr clearly doesnt know what he is talking about. This isnt actually happening. These kinds of things dont happen to us. I sit beside Rene and take his hand. He is breathing and warm, I say. The nurse says thats only because the machines are keeping him alive. Rene's brother arrives and we explain what has happened. In all the years of knowing him, I dont think I have ever heard him swear.... except for now. The nurse asks us if we would like a priest to come. I say no, we arent religious but Rene's Mom said she would like that so we do. I feel as if im watching a movie, like this isnt really happening to me. Everyone leaves the room so I can be with Rene alone. I hold his hand and tell him everything I want and need to say, I tell him I will take care of Taylor and his Mom. I ask him to give me a sign one day, that he lives on, and ask him that if he does give me a sign, please do not do it at night as he knows I am scared of the dark. I let everyone else have their private time with Rene and then we all come back in together as the nurse turns off all the machines keeping his body alive.


 I have to tell you that it is nothing like it is on tv. They do not unplug the machines and the heart stops beating and the machine immediately shows a straight line and the beep from the machine goes into a constant beeeeeeeeeep. No, thats not what happens. The heart continues to beat....... and beat....... and beat...... and beat.... As i am holding Rene's hand up towards my face, I look down and see all the color run out of his hand, starting at the tips of his fingers and then down his fore arm. I put it back down on the bed and the color comes back just a bit. He is leaving us. My heart is now broken. Oh my God, how will I tell Taylor?